Admitting to ones self is one thing, but owning it and still having that hope where the odds are nowhere in favor, is a completely different pain to put yourself though.
Continuing to have the same feelings for the same reason that leaves you in a ditch to bury yourself in, is a full time job. Give yourself a pat on the back for dealing with it. Once you are here again, the addiction of sadness (which you don’t intentionally enjoy) ruins your very core when your hands get a hold of it.
I’m in this place where common sense and emotions battle with each other for dominance. So at this point right now, wishful thinking is at its highest peak and hope and disappointment are playing catch with my heart. Whats worst is simultaneously deciding to want something you will never have.
The thing is, you allow it to happen. You are completely aware of the damage being created with your own thoughts and actions and no one can say anything more because we have went though this already.
Your backpedaling. You know what happened when you find yourself back here. Why do this to yourself?
Always confused and naive, love plays the answer while hope, being the trickster it is, fills wishful thinking with unrealistic outcomes that pushes the confidence in depression to be the star.
Following the directions of your destruction is no ones fault but yourself. Using your common sense would be to let it be and move forward. Right? I mean that is what I would tell my friends who may encounter a fraction of what I’m battling with. Then again, who takes their own advice really?
You are the winning piece and everyone else involved is a just a pawn.